Angels in Training

This is a story of two little angels who lost their souls long ago. Growing up Ruth and Sandie had lots of laughter together.....riding horses and Saint Bernard's, driving home-made go-carts, getting stuck in the creek, skipping rocks, riding bikes, cleaning the playhouse, making cookies with grandma, climbing trees, milking cows, making forts in the hay barn.



Then it changed. The day their innocence was lost. The bottom of the two little angels souls fell out and everything went dark. They no longer had smiles, they wore masks. Masks that didn't fit right, like they weren't the ones that they were suppose to be wearing. These masks carried fear, anger, resentment, self-pity, panic. There was no longer love available to see, the fog was starting to come in strong. That day happened over and over again until the two little angels became numb. Numb to the feeling of what life and love really is.



Confusion, pain, and self-loathing continued in their lives for years. Taking them to places they never knew existed. Addiction took over, trying to help them survive. Survive life. Nightmares, flashbacks, grief, abandonment overwhelmed them. No longer was it an easy task just to take a breath. They could feel the cold darkness touch their skin.

As they got older, one of these angels finally chose to talk about these days in the past, letting the pain and addiction out, and begin the process of healing. The mask is starting to come off, little by little. Sure, sometimes it goes back on but only for small periods of time, when she is really scared. God is there teaching her that the mask eventually has to come all the way off, at all times. He holds her hand and walks her through that fear, pushing the ghosts aside as they try to reach out to her.

The other angel wanted this new life so bad but God had a different plan for her. He thought that her work needed to start right away, up above with him. So he took her away a couple of nights ago and put her in training. She will be watching over all of the little angels now to let them know that they are not alone. Letting them know that we are all angels....angels in training.

I'm just saying.......

Laughter keeps me sane....or is it insane...well...whatever

This week has been something to write down in the ole blog. I have laughed every day. Laughed hard, ya know, the kind that is like : it's hard to breathe....your stomach hurts......your crying and you almost hit a car (or pedestrian) kind of laugh.

It all started with my friend (lets call her Healing Goddess Faery...aka Tinkerbell) thinking that I should have the nickname Cinderella. I know what your thinking! Stop! It could happen!

Anyways, I loved it and anticipated my prince (not the one from Minnesota....although...hmmmm.....nevermind) bringing my glass slipper and whisking me off my feet.

However, my fairy tale, will not be following the traditional one. Just like my life, we will be walking down the purple brick road (ummmm.....teensy bit different than the yellow one).

So I waited with high expectations for my prince to come, unfortunately I think he was in detox (it's my story), so he never showed. Then my friend (lets call him "I'm kinda a big deal!") suggested that I needed to be kissing frogs in order to find this so called prince. I thought to myself that this didn't really turn my pumpkin into a chairiot (if ya know what I mean), so I got some help. Let's just say, there was fried chicken involved.

Still.....no prince......(I know..... its hard to understand why).

Back to scrubbing floors. As I wiped the smudges off my face from cleaning the tires on my van, the power to make a decision, came from inside me. No! I do not have to hold this distinction, it is just too much pressure. I can't handle it. Stepmothers, stepsisters, mice, pumpkins, kissing frogs, fried chicken, losing slippers, scrubbing floors....uffda!

So, my friend (lets call her " Czarina Supreme of the Jewel East Coast & Florida Chapter Liaison" aka Faery Godmother) flys down here to save the day. She says "Girl, get off your knees and be the Goddess you were meant to be".

As she laid her magic wand upon my old and decrepit body, I turned into the woman that I always wanted to be......Goddess of the van, down by the canal, in the recovery compound.

***To all you ladies out there who are waiting for your prince, this is the easier softer way.***

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent***

I'm just saying.....

A Helping Hand

Ask....and you shall receive.

My wants and needs sometimes seem earth shattering.

• I want the pain to abandon me.
• I want the nightmares to turn into dreams.
• I want the fear to climb out of my soul.
• I want the resentments to be lifted.

I want....I want.....I want

• I need the pain in order to grow.
• I need the nightmares in order for the dreams to be a blessing.
• I need the fear to show me what is in my soul.
• I need the resentments to remind me to be patient, loving, and tolerant.

I need.....I need.....I need

I want a helping hand......NO!

I need a helping hand......YES!

I'm just saying.......